You might think this is the end of the story. At the time I thought so too. I had lost over 100 pounds. I had pictures to prove it. But pictures are for “before” and “after” and life is for “during” or in my case, “enduring.” And not even the Kodak people can make “enduring” that photogenic.
Everything I have done, inside and outside the gym has been in some way upgraded by what I have learned by training with Greg. His sheer refusal to accept that a goal cannot be met (and met safely) has seen me through many, many firsts. The first mile I ever ran, the first pull up I ever did, he has gotten me through the first bone I ever broke and the heart wrenching, fist slamming frustration of being injured.
More than the tangible “athletic” results, training of this caliber has made me see that there is advantage in what is hard, what makes you feel your lungs heave and your pores gush. When you overcome one of these hurdles you begin to be oddly grateful that they keep showing up. It’s a throwback to early childhood I guess a constant tide of failing and succeeding: sitting, crawling, walking, running, and on and on. The struggle is… oh so infuriating… but it’s also kind of a map to our own buried treasures, miracles yet to come if only we don’t stop the digging. For me the miracle is better than the one I fervently prayed for- for decades: losing weight, being able to wear whatever and shop wherever I choose; the miracle is that if you told me I could stay this way forever without exercising I wouldn’t stop, couldn’t even bear the idea of stopping. What began as simply a means to an end has become a gift in and of it self. I began personal training to increase my metabolism intent on converting fat into muscle and we did. I continued training because in the process we turned dread into enthusiasm, capitulation into fight, work into sport, fleeting into forever. All of which has made me want to eat less, eat slower, eat better, and eat less often merely as a byproduct.
Every day I feel the need to repay the people who hauled me out of that spiral that I could not have revealed to them even if I wanted to. But how do you repay that? You answer the question not just with a statement but with your life. Do you keep training because you are afraid to stop? No. I don’t train because I am afraid that I will skip workouts or forget about supersets or proper form. I train because every minute of every day the darkest part of humanity lies in wait to snatch me back and all I have to beat back those demons is the muscle we build. Our effort is not just for me now but to strengthen the better angels in any one who feels like they can’t start over again. As Greg would say…”There is always something you can do”. Intellectually most people believe this; but they don’t know what the “something” is. If I have learned one thing it is that soldiering on alone and hoping for inspiration when there is expert help available is the worst kind of arrogance and waste.
After all, the whole world loses when someone, even someone as inconsequential as me, withdraws their power, their dreams, their light. If you or I press on without joy how can we live up to our purpose? How will I live with myself if I don’t live a life that says: “You can do this because you were born knowing how and learned how not to.” “Your muscles are designed for this and have no choice but to comply. “You can transform just like a child, who has wisdom beyond vocabulary and whose actions constantly say: “My body (I) can build on the simplest skill.”“I won’t die if I fall down or fall short”“I can try an infinite number of times”“Smart caring people who know how to do this will be right with me”
They reminded me and I want to remind you:
- Moving is a birthright.
- Being stranded is an abomination.
- There are people who come with torches no matter how dark it gets.
In some small way I pray these words make me one of them.