An open letter to my right knee, left arch, and both hips:

Dear Appendages:
I know I haven't always been good to you. I did way too much and way too little all at once. I spent decades abusing you with gravity, gluttony and indifference.  But, don't give up because I am better now and I am hoping that you all get better too.  Don't make that horrible grinding noise that had Josh purposely positioning my workouts near the fan to drown you out.  Don't swell and ache at every ridiculous change in the weather and don't riddle my soft tissue with "rice crispies" that have to be filed away by a professional for me to stay ambulatory, and most of all don't drop me- even if I  deserve all of it.  If you do we'll miss too much of the amazing stuff we can do now.  There are mountains to climb, races to run, and teams to be part of.  I know I owe you all. I will pay the way with food journals that scream lean protein and vegetables, with stretches that bore me but work, with training even when I'm not training, and with SLEEP.  I await your terms...
Thank you,
Me

The Pact

About 15 years ago my friend and I agreed to walk every morning before work.  To fit it in we had to walk at 5:30am and when winter came along it was REALLY hard to face the dark, cold Iowa mornings.  But we had a signal.  When each of us got ready we would put the front porch light on so the other could see.  There were definitely days when I dreaded going but my friend's light was on and I couldn't let her down and vice versa.  So we walked consistently in nearly every kind of weather because we had made a fitness pact.  Now there is texting, blogs, facetime, and facebook and sometimes they take too much attention.  But when it comes to this journey it is such a gift to have people who are in it with me (and you know who you are from PA to VA, MI to OR and everywhere in between)   I'm still just looking out my front window and seeing the light and in case you didn't know it is you.  You are the signal.  So no matter how dark or cold or tired I keep moving forward.

Not that Willing

"If my meniscus is the culprit, what can I do to help my knee, other than be lighter?"  This is how training starts off today.  My right knee made a noise yesterday that no joint should ever make.  Not the grinding patellar tracking condition that has been there for a decade.  This was more like a pop. It was loud and foreboding.  And so was the implication that came with it.  Let's face it I have been working out hard for ten years.  I talk about fitness all day long at work.  My whole household will swear that our pantry and fridge are not worth raiding. I have dreaded this day.  Because the truth is I know Greg's formula for losing twenty pounds.  It is an amazingly simple formula:  "Just eat 50 calories a day less than you need and in time it adds up to 20 pounds.  But I have cut nearly all of the "extras" out and I am tracking my intake so I know where these calories have to come from and I am loathe to admit it.  But I need two knees that work and that makes me willing on a level that my willingness has not been since I faced the prospect of seat belt extenders on an airplane...  It  means cutting coffee, or more precisely, the creamer in my coffee. I know from looking at my stats that these are consistently the least nutritious calories I consume.  So, there it is.  Simple.  If you are willing.

Whichever One You Feed

I don't know the origin, but legend has it that a boy and his father were watching two wild dogs poised for attack, one is healthy & strong with a thick, lustrous coat, and bright eyes while the other is mangy, starving, and scarred from many vicious fights.  The boy questions: "Which one will survive..."  The father replies: "Whichever one you feed."  

Today was one of those days where you feel your time and decisions being at odds like those two dogs.  Assurance eluded me and I went from one chore to the next, not accomplishing much.  My breathing felt shallow and rushed , I needed to be in at least two places simultaneously and am tired for no reason.  After too many hours of this I change clothes and go to my elliptical.  I am not really in the mood but have to try to shake my listlessness and the frustration of being tied to other people's priorities.  I commit to 30 minutes.  But, after 17 minutes I know this is the first good choice I have made in the ten hours since I got up.  My breathing evens out and I start mentally checking off the issues that perplexed me earlier.  Five miles later, life is good again.  But, the mangy dog is always on the prowl which is why I have an elliptical and don't keep Ben & Jerry's in my freezer.

Mirror, Mirror

I think I was in college the first time I heard the term "positive affirmation." I was attending one of many meetings in my long but unimpressive weight loss career. We were asked to practice saying phrases like "I am beautiful" while standing in front of a full length mirror. And, even then, I immediately understood the point and cringed at the very idea of doing it.

Just facing all 238.6 pounds of me prompted a tirade of insults. That instinct was so ingrained that even after losing more than 50 pounds, I would be in the gym in middle of an exercise and get completely derailed if I just noticed my reflection. I didn't realize this when it happened. It was as natural and ignored as breathing. But, it interfered enough that my trainer, Josh, without a word, started to deliberately position himself between the mirror and me, refusing to let my progress be waylaid, cutting the intrusions (I'm such a spaz"  "I look ridiculous") back as easily as if he'd reached up and smothered an attacker. The benefit of such quiet kindness (from someone typically so booming) is etched into my memory forever. But, of course, Josh couldn't stay and the latent venom-- "you pathetic girl", "you're so uncoordinated," "you idiot"-- of stings poses a greater threat over time.

It was after Josh moved that I realized his tactic and how much it eased my anxiety. I motioned to Greg in between reps to block the mirror...because, well, at the time I really didn't know Greg Hoak....If I had I would not have bothered.  I would have expected the laugh and response that came unequivocally which was "Oh if you are distracted by your own reflection you are just not working hard enough."  Suffice it say I never asked Greg for a "Can you prop up my dysfunction for me while we train" favor again.  I won't claim that I never winced at the mirror after that but I'll admit it's hard to absorb negative self talk when you are running a 3 story staircase or  hauling a box, sled, sledgehammer, etc.  Maybe it's the head rush talking, but now when I look in the mirror I can't help seeing all the sets and reps, starts and finish lines, all the appointments kept,  the action, and it occurs to me that "mirror" is better as a verb.  So, I strive to reflect the fantastic truth  "it is impossible for it not to work; it works every time"... to Mirror it out into the world.

Six Simple Weight Loss Musts From Someone Who Knows

Motivation and inspiration are crucial but sometimes you just need some practical tips from someone who has been there and is not trying to make money off of you.  If you are like me you decide to lose weight or get in shape but have no idea how to deal with the snags along the way.

1) If you have young children; find a gym with childcare.  This was a jackpot: like hour 25 plus a guaranteed shower and time to listen to my own music all rolled into one.  I guarantee you I was a better parent because of it.

2) The best kept secret isn't Victoria's in my experience.  Go to www.enell.com instead.  Even if you don't buy anything their blog is a wellspring of information and celebration.

3) I actually have to think about the order of these but yes, Music beats shoes.  I guess I really do think of my headphones as Skullcandy after all.  I started ten years ago with a case full of CDs but now I'm lost without iTunes and Pandora.  Someday I'll go for the premium version so I can skip the ads. I also reward myself with songs.  It's a good replacement for food rewards and often revives my workout.

4) Shoes, they really do make or break me.  Too individual for a recommendation but I will say that the wrong shoes have landed me in physical therapy.

5) Gum, I chew it at times or in situations where I would eat mindlessly.  Sometimes a 2 second pause is all I need to ward off bad habits.

6 ) Setting my scale to kilograms demonstrated in a nanosecond how much crap I've swallowed when it comes to weight measurement.  It's just an indicator, meant to guide us like one's body temperature or pulse.  Switching to Kg gives me a real metric without false praise or scorn.