I think I was in college the first time I heard the term "positive affirmation." I was attending one of many meetings in my long but unimpressive weight loss career. We were asked to practice saying phrases like "I am beautiful" while standing in front of a full length mirror. And, even then, I immediately understood the point and cringed at the very idea of doing it.
Just facing all 238.6 pounds of me prompted a tirade of insults. That instinct was so ingrained that even after losing more than 50 pounds, I would be in the gym in middle of an exercise and get completely derailed if I just noticed my reflection. I didn't realize this when it happened. It was as natural and ignored as breathing. But, it interfered enough that my trainer, Josh, without a word, started to deliberately position himself between the mirror and me, refusing to let my progress be waylaid, cutting the intrusions (I'm such a spaz" "I look ridiculous") back as easily as if he'd reached up and smothered an attacker. The benefit of such quiet kindness (from someone typically so booming) is etched into my memory forever. But, of course, Josh couldn't stay and the latent venom-- "you pathetic girl", "you're so uncoordinated," "you idiot"-- of stings poses a greater threat over time.
It was after Josh moved that I realized his tactic and how much it eased my anxiety. I motioned to Greg in between reps to block the mirror...because, well, at the time I really didn't know Greg Hoak....If I had I would not have bothered. I would have expected the laugh and response that came unequivocally which was "Oh if you are distracted by your own reflection you are just not working hard enough." Suffice it say I never asked Greg for a "Can you prop up my dysfunction for me while we train" favor again. I won't claim that I never winced at the mirror after that but I'll admit it's hard to absorb negative self talk when you are running a 3 story staircase or hauling a box, sled, sledgehammer, etc. Maybe it's the head rush talking, but now when I look in the mirror I can't help seeing all the sets and reps, starts and finish lines, all the appointments kept, the action, and it occurs to me that "mirror" is better as a verb. So, I strive to reflect the fantastic truth "it is impossible for it not to work; it works every time"... to Mirror it out into the world.
My least favorite part of boxing is line drills because I have to look in the mirror as I refine my throws and footwork. Amazing that I can still focus on the work to be done instead of all the work I've done in the last year, which is a miracle in itself! I feel ya!
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