Little did I know when I signed up for next Sunday's race that I'd be spending this weekend at Fox Chase Cancer Center. I thought this race was all about Mike and his triumph over sarcoma, over seemingly insurmountable edema, atrophy and excess weight. Yet, here we are, still reeling, with nothing left to try and no reason to hope.
But, even still, before I join them, in the wee hours before daylight I get up and clean my house. I make two healthy meals, And, as I drive the opposite direction to Pine Grove, I barely hear "old me" wondering why any of it matters as my Uncle suffers in the hospital and my family grieves by his side.
What I hear without question is that I am pushing everything that is alive and strong and safe and warm I am summoning it out of me into the air and rooms and battles of these people I love. I am summoning the miracle that happened to me as a forcefield around this Uncle, this Aunt, these cousins. I am summoning every calorie and muscle that can lighten a burden or forge a trail as a buoy for my family, my friends, and my clients; to surround you today or any day when you have pain or fear so that you can change what you can and accept what you must. And, in honor of my race team, I will NeverQuit.
And I know this is not "old me" or "new me" I know this is "true me."