How to Lose 50-100 Pounds-Step 2-Healthy Eating

Step 2: Make Healthy Eating a Way of Life

Truth, I lost 100 pounds in two years.  But, eight years later I still basically eat the same.  Initially I used Weight Watchers, but any sensible plan is just as valid.  The trick for me was choosing something that would work in any situation.  In other words, pick something you can stay on weekdays and weekends, whether you cook or do takeout, at home or when you travel.  Because, if you don't you'll quit.  Quitting for me was not/is not an option. Quitting is the same as saying "I plan to gain back every ounce I lost and more."  I had to choose something that I wanted to stay on for good.  OK, maybe "wanted" is a stretch because I didn't want to be on a diet any more than I want to be on a budget.  But, physics and economics don't care about what you want.  They simply deal in cause & effect.

So, pick a plan that is going to let you have a life.  That doesn't mean it is easy.  Change is hard. But positive change is cumulative too.  So, even though there were things about my program that I resisted, I could phase in these changes and make steady progress. (Just like you can take baby steps to gain financial security.) I have to admit, one of the things I resisted most  has been recording all of my food.  Not because I was cheating.  But, because I had obsessed over food for so long I just wanted to live like someone who never had an issue with eating.  And, it worked.  I could make enough substitutions and exert enough portion control to get to my goal.  But, ten years later I don't see a food journal the same way, or even generate it the same way- thanks to technology.  So, what was once a chore and a stigma to me now seems a lot more of a resource to see how I can do even better.  And, don't stress about the mistakes.  That is why this is Step 2 and not Step 1.  By making weight loss a team effort in Step 1 you are setting yourself up for permanent success whether today is a good day or not.  You are not alone against a culture that is brainwashing you every day to use food for things food can never really accomplish: comfort, celebration, entertainment, company, etc.  You are creating a new culture for yourself that says, really food has to just be fuel for a life where people and actions will provide all the comfort, celebration, entertainment and company I need.

The Big "IF"

" To Believe is to Be Strong.

Doubt Cramps Energy.

Belief is Power."

(FDR to Churchill

in the HBO Film Into the Storm)

Two decades of dieting, binging, resolving and retreating don't only wreck the metabolism and compromise our health and confidence; they prove that we lack credibility with others, with ourselves most of all.
So, when we see success stories, new weight loss plans, best selling books, or great promotions at the gym that motivate us to launch into yet another fitness campaign--how to sustain the effort is the big question.
When the initial rally fades and we want to throw up our hands-- so much of it is driven by self doubt. The best ammunition I ever got for conquering my weight issues for good was when my trainer told me:

"It is impossible for it not to work.

If you do what I say it works every time."

Of course, that is a BIG "if." But, it got so much smaller that day.

New Me Versus Old Me

1. Imagine "New Me" is your best friend.  
2. Be honest with her no matter what.  
3. Recognize her hard work and success in spite of setbacks and frustration.
4. Defend fitness as her absolute birthright.  
5. Feed her body and soul with the best ingredients.  
6. Surround her with people who do the same.  
7. Don't let anyone underestimate her- especially "Old Me"
8. Have patience- for life has seasons of blatant growth and quiet root building
9. Schedule FUN-sing, dance, laugh and cheer for/with her.
10. Honor her dreams-Remember--I can see her when some can't and I swear she won't let you down.

Merry Christmas Genius-You Know Who You Are

  Merry Christmas Genius!  You already know practically everything I would say as a trainer and a client.  I am blessed beyond my measure.  Training would be amazing even if all that happened was that the future changed so much for the better.  But, like Christmas, training takes the past too and mostly revises it. So these old wounds and scars that once caused so much pain and regret: being obese, being fired, being injured, weak and ever-so-convinced that nothing would ever change--they cease being the offenses they once were and ultimately become the map that saves not just your own life, but that of anyone who follows.

Commit to Yourself & Get Paid for It!

Experts know the value of keeping a food diary when it comes to weight loss.  Studies (like one conducted by American Journal of Preventive Medicine) show that people who record their food intake 6 days/week or more lose twice as much weight as those who did not.  But, did you know you can get paid to track your nutrition?  From your smart phone, you can access PACT an app that links to My Fitness Pal. 

https://www.pactapp.com/

PACT allows you to make a commitment like tracking your food every day; and if you keep your PACT, you get paid $1/day (not to mention the health benefits that should inspire such goals)

How does it work?  You set up a penalty for not meeting the commitment which is linked to your credit/debit or Paypal account.  If the $1/day isn’t enough to motivate you; PACT has shown that paying the price (again the health/wellness costs should be enough, right?) for missing the mark keeps users highly motivated.  But, not everyone-- of course, that’s where the reward money comes from.  So, commit to positive change & get paid for it too!

Dancing on the Edge

And so it goes, the demon is never too far away. It's the one that circles and tempts you into a feeling of false complacency, the feeling that you can eat what you want and you don't have to run or do any work out if you don't want to. It keeps edging its way into my success and trying desperately to sabotage the best of my healthy food choices and exercising goals. The demon invites you to the dance. It spreads its arms in perfect posture begging you to enter into its hold. It seems so enticing, beckoning you into itself, promising you that sugar and lazy hanging  around are deserving treats and will only take you a turn or two around the dance floor for a little while.  Not too much pressure just  gently letting you in to begin spinning around, languishing into yourself, dancing around the very thin edge of a spiral only to be sucked into its vortex of false promises.

Today I woke up in a sugar stupor. Too much picnic food and not anything remotely healthy. Frankly my recent unhealthy choices were not as bad as previous years, but what I discovered is that I don't have to eat as much as I once did for me to get drunk on sweets. Yes, I use the word drunk because I realize now how toxic sugar is to my body. First, I woke up not feeling good, second my thinking was hazy and not clear, third, I continued to make poor eating choices until late in the afternoon. Then, something inside me made me want to stop dancing.   I made the decision, with help from someone who understands the dance, that  this current dance party was over.  I had to physically make myself leave the floor, put on my sneakers and run, yes run to shake off the urge to continue spinning out of control.

What I know for sure is that this dance will probably beckon to me again since most of my life I have chosen its steps. But I have a new partner that is gaining strength within and setting me up to call out the demon of the spiral before I step out onto floor. Commit to success it says because that is the only dance you have an invitation to attend.

My Scale is An Idiot

It's May.  The display on my scale hasn't changed in 2014.  Well, that's not exactly true; over the last 4 months it has inched up and back the same kilogram or two.  What the hell?!?  I am training harder than ever.  My nutrition is stricter than ever.  And God knows the enemy in my mind is as quick to pounce as ever despite a decade winning the obesity war  (and yes it is WAR): "You are getting nowhere...What a waste of time...energy...money!!!"  Moments like this cue up images of Mexican food and Gelato like movie trailers in my head.  I mean...what's the difference, right?  EXCEPT MY SCALE IS AN IDIOT.  Correction, it is idiotic to use a scale as an absolute measure of success because:

Have to admit that I have been an unwilling student of physics most of my life.  But, I know my enemy better than I used to.  And so, in January when my training changed to prepare for the Tough Mudder I recorded my measurements.  I wanted to understand how lifting heavier weights and adding more explosive exercises would manifest on me physically.  And, now, 100 days later, I can say for certain I WOULD BE AN IDIOT IF I MEASURED THE LAST 100 DAYS BY MY SCALE.  Here's what really happened while I did the first monkey bars and vertical jumps of my life:

 

  

Six inches in 100 days.  Maybe you'll always have a naysayer in your head.  But you don't have to listen to her.

Tough Stuff

When I signed up for the Tough Mudder I knew there was only one thing about it that appealed to me--the team--my actual team and the entire Team running along side of us. The camaraderie culture of the Tough Mudder is an amazing, inspiring part of this event; you'll see it over and over as teammates and complete strangers literally lift each other up throughout the day.  Crucially though, this is probably where my affection for the Mudder ends, and the actual challenge just begins.  Which means I basically detest and suck at most of what I signed up for: dirt, pain, fear, extremes, etc.  Making the day of the Tough Mudder, well, not surprisingly, miserable.  A chosen misery, that took all of my agility, strength, allies, and grit to keep advancing on the path... not unlike the challenge of obesity itself.  And although I barely have what it takes to earn an orange headband at the Tough Mudder, on the Obesity Course, I am working on the black one, already anchored at the top of that Everest and reaching as far and as long as I can to anyone who needs a boost over that slippery slope.

 

Getting from Here to There with Excess Baggage

So one of the lovely details about modern commercial flying is the baggage and deciding between carrying on and checking the luggage.  There was a time I avoided checking bags no matter what items I might have to go without.  But the security demands that dictate the liquids you carry and the apparent threat of one's shoes now have converted me.....especially when like today I am packing a week's worth of stuff.  And, though I may concede the $25 fee I am not about to hand over another $60 for exceeding the weight restriction.  So there I am at 3:45am weighing first myself and then hoisting the huge suitcase so I can weigh us both.  My husband has to check the display because if I move at all to see the screen the scale will just read "error."  I have to hold the bag vertically to stay still and it's extremely hard for me to basically upright row such an unwieldy thing and stay motionless so he can check.  But, I manage it for the 2-3 seconds we need and happily we confirm that the suitcase is just under the limit.  I am grateful when I can set it down and just wheel it to the car.  But, then it occurs to me that even though I applied all my muscle to hold it- the combined weight of me and the suitcase is still 45 pounds less than what I once weighed alone-about as much as the bag weights today.  So, I regularly carried more than twice that much around every minute with no breaks and far less muscle.  Somehow the fleeting burdens of my travels seem inconsequential now.  And, if TSA inspects further they'll find that getting from here to there takes running shoes, trail shoes, hiking boots, a baseball for massage, The Stick and a jump rope for a girl like me to make it all the way to Sedona.

Just in Case at Christmastime

My family and I have spent many days on the road to and from Wisconsin and Iowa and probably half these road trips were at Christmastime.  I never really mind; but our car always looks like we are expecting a disaster: tire chains, snow pants, jumper cables, quilts, bottled water, just in case.  In some ways, Christmas Eve carries the same anticipation.  It is a marathon of a day, and before I really get going I am troubleshooting.  That's why at 7am I am making lunch.  Dinner is late, after Church with a huge crowd, and of course the traditional Italian Feast of Seven Fishes.  But, my best time for being strategic is in the morning.  And, for me, especially at Christmas, I am strategic about food. Not because I am wearing a cocktail dress, although believe me choosing a fitted outfit is totally deliberate. I don't want to kid myself into thinking I have room for gluttony, gluttony isn't worthy of Christmas to me.  I am intentional about my food because for too long I elevated it to a status beyond the people I was having the food with, a compulsion which led me to pain I am unwilling to endure ever again.  So, what's guarding me from hunger-driven, sugar-driven, busy-driven recklessness this afternoon?  Whole Foods' Butternut Squash Soup.  It is simmering away, only gets better no matter how long my to do list may be, and is super healthy!  So, think about it yourself, an early Christmas present...setting yourself up for a very Merry day!  Remember, it's a choice.

"Finding Yes" During the Holidays

There was always an intense fear of failure that came with my holidays. Failure to reach the bar I always set for myself. That was most likely because if, and. or when I reached the bar, I would move it. In truth, I am not even certain I know what the goal was although it definitely involved losing weight, getting thinner, striving for perfection. As I moved through the weeks of preparation for the next holiday party or event I would come to realize I could not reach my lofty weight loss goals.  I had too much weight to lose and it was just not going to happen. About a week before Christmas I would start feeling really deprived . Poor me, I couldn't eat the Christmas cookies, the candy, the high calorie snacks or appetizers that were being offered, because I was too fat. This led me to believe that I would never reach the bar so why not just put it down. If I didn't have the challenge then I wouldn't have the fight. I surrendered to the power of the food and totally gave into to its all encompassing control of me. I could say there were some valid reasons for my apathy, and I am sure you might agree with how these reasons rightly played a part in the demise of my healthy eating plan. But the fact remains I chose to put down the tools and take up feeding the wound inside me that continued to fester its ever present mantra of "you're not good enough"

I am happy and humbled to report that this holiday has "shaped up"(pardon the pun )  differently.  First and foremost there is no bar. It is only me and my conscious decision to become healthy. "I choose the food, it does not choose me". Let me explain what I mean by this. Example number one; I was invited to my granddaughter's birthday party where I knew there would be homemade ice cream which I love. I made a conscious decision before going that I would not be eating ice cream that day. It felt drastically different to be in charge and oh so good to know I was totally OK with this decision. Not depravation but exhilaration at the fact that I could choose my "Yes"

Example number two; I entered a 5K Turkey Trot held in our town on Thanksgiving Day. When the day presented itself it was bone chilling cold and the course was icy and quite slushy. I had run the route many times in the weeks leading up to race day, but never in the type of whether this day delivered. In all honesty, there was one nanosecond where the thought of not running floated across my radar promoting weather related excuses. I chose to run, though the reasons not to, presented themselves palpably. I chose my "Yes" and even in 14 degree weather came in 3rd  for my age group out of 740  runners.

I could go on with the changes occurring inside me but my point is that they are happening .Today I ran 4 miles. I said Yes to healthy and have begun healing the inner wounds that have plagued me daily for what seems like an eternity. For so much of my life I was willful in forcing changes through my own will or I was will-less giving up because I was tired of trying. But it wasn't until I became willing that I stumbled upon the great gift of "Finding Yes" and began discovering I am so worth it!!!

I did it!

About 60 days ago I made a commitment to hike the Pinnacle near Hamburg with my husband, my biggest supporter, and two special people who bring only goodness and light to me on my journey. It was a goal I set for myself to train for and to work toward. Yesterday was the day of the hike and we could not have had better weather, no wind and temperatures in the 50's. I must admit I was nervous and fearful that it would be too much for me. At the very least, I am dragging an extra fifty pounds around, finding any incline to be a breathing challenge.  Yet here I was committing to hike the Pinnacle. Yes a pinnacle, an apex, acme, crest, peak, summit or any other synonym you might name; they all mean ascending upward. Fear began to rear its ugly head, and because I opened that door, it came seeping in stealing away my inner resolve. I really had to fight its takeover of my ambition, training time and commitment.

The Pinnacle is a 9 mile section of the Appalachian Trail that is moderately difficult because of its rocky terrain  and steep incline. I was told that it is the most difficult part of the AT in Pennsylvania. That being said it wasn't easy, and I remained determined but breathless much of the way up. The rocks are more like giant boulders at several parts and one needs to carefully find a sturdy foothold to cross their path. I had help and encouragement although fear occasionally leaked its message inside my inner resolve wanting to take over my  determination. With quiet positive encouragement from my team,  I found  a way across the "scramble" a section of the trail that is pretty much a path of boulders and sometimes, for me, needed to be approached on all fours. The reward for this humble crossing is one of the most exquisite vistas I have ever seen. The beauty of nature at its best viewed from atop a bluff like perch is nothing short of awe inspiring.

Of course what goes up must come down but we took a less steep trial on the way back where I was able to carry on good conversation and take in some of the view. I was tired but buoyed up by adrenaline and an awesome feeling of accomplishment. The wonder of "I did it"replayed its message over and over in my mind until I got it and held onto its reality. I had won over the fear. I refused to let it stop me and I immersed myself in the ever present moment of the now relishing my accomplishment.

It was not until the car ride home that the true message of the hike became my next aha moment.  Yes that was a big accomplishment, but in reality it was more like a metaphor for my life's journey. I could see it clearly as I reviewed the days journey up the mountain. At first it was slow going, a lot of baby steps on the way up, much like my dabbling in diet aids and quick fixes for an easy outcome on the diet path. Next things got a bit harder, larger boulders, steeper rock forms and the path not as clearly marked; my stops and restarts, discouraging weight loss challenges, health issues, no weight loss for weeks, hopeless feeling of not knowing how to get rid of this demon, where should I turn next. Oh yes, then the fall,  I was tripped up by a rocky path and took a spill. I didn't get hurt but it reminded me of all the times I fell on the journey toward healthy living, getting tripped up by useless fixes and misinformation. Finally the scramble, where the boulders make the path to the peak a bit more challenging just before the summit, yet kind words and strong hands directed me forward. That's what I was doing before the shift, scrambling around for the path of the quick fix, making excuse after excuse for my obesity and lack of exercise. I fought it hard, down on all fours praying for the easy answer and it didn't come because there is no easy in life. To see the  view at the Pinnacle I had to scramble on hands and knees, to view my weakness I had to really admit my lies and reconcile with the truth which is, there is no magic. But there are  people who know the trail, whose sage advice and quiet confidence shed light on your path and  allow you to experience success. Stick with them, they are the voice of knowledge and expertise, they are the difference in Finding Yes.

 " If you do what you always did, you get what you always got".  Yesterday I did what I never did and I got what I never got. I got the picture in the beauty of the climb and the reward at the peak. I am still learning about the beauty of the climb on my journey toward wholeness but I know what it looks like at the top and I can't wait to get there.

Find a way

• I was recently listening to an interview with the swimmer Diana Nyad about her epic swim from Cuba to Florida. She said her mantra that got her through the challenge to do the swim was "Find a way"! It struck me that I can use that to achieve my dream because I will get there if I find a way.

Find a way to get out of bed and run every morning, find a way to make healthy choices  when eating  challenges present themselves, find a way not to make the scale a god, find a way to love myself even when I don,t believe I can, find away to live in the now and not in what was or could be.

Find a way. Yes it is that hard and that simple. Life constantly throws down the gauntlet. Now is the time to find a way to pick it up and move forward.  I believe I will do just that. 

Cage Free

Eowyn: I fear neither death nor pain.
Aragorn: What do you fear, my lady?
Eowyn: A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them...

My apologies to Tolkien because I'm sure he didn't have someone like me in mind when he wrote the brave, sword-wielding Eowyn.  But, still, I know a little something about being locked in a cage.  Worse, mine wasn't a fortress of iron and stone suffered at the hand of a sworn enemy.  I built my own dungeon, cells not just of fat, but bulging from excuses, hopelessness, and yes, acceptance. 

When you are behind that wall, it is so hard to believe that you can choose not to stay.  But, you can.    So, although today you might see yourself out of breath, exhausted, and weak; today your hips, knees and feet might ache or falter don't think for one second think that you have to concede.  Remember  that even the smallest steps can get you wherever you want to go, but stop wishing, wishing is useless.   So, start small.   I spent so long treating my body as my enemy.  Even if I ate wisely and exercised regularly I was sure that out of sheer spite I would still be fat.  I couldn't trust physics on a grand scale.  That's ok.  I started believing with the meagerest of triumphs, a paper cut.  Really, one day I got a paper cut and after a day or two all the sting of it was gone. 

Somehow I knew that no matter what I read, was told, had convinced myself, that energy to restore me was there all along, an undeniable truth.  The rest--all traps, diet propaganda, and suddenly...all their sting was gone... no more cage.

The Journey 9-5-13

Beginnings
I look into the mirror today and I hate myself. I have hated myself for so long that I cannot remember when it began. But the feeling of self loathing begins to grow. I confirm it when I get on the scale, when my clothes don't button, when I can not longer stretch the favorite top enough to cover the bulges that clearly display my weakness. I stand in self loathing showering myself with all the evidence. Wanting to wash it away with some kind of magic cleansing that will make me see thin and beautiful in the mirror. But the reflection only confirms my fear.  It is true. I am fat and ugly.

The above is a scene I repeat almost daily. I live with this demon and there are days when I feed its fire. But not today, I choose to begin again. I surrender, not to the enemy of self loathing, but to the serenity of love. I arm myself with its peace. Once again I set the intention to take care of myself, to begin with gratitude for the present moment and to choose yes.. Yes, today  I may have the feelings, but the feelings will not have me.
9-4-13

Hard Start. 9-7-13

The Journey- Hard Start

I want this to be easy. Like slipping on comfortable shoes, but it's not. It was hard to get up at 5:20 today. Taking the first baby steps toward some form of exercise.. I want this, I really do but it's hard. It's a commitment to a new way of living. It's saying yes even when your afraid of failing, like all the other times. I have done this before, I have succeeded before in weight loss and in running. But then I let go. I hold on to the lifeline but something happens and life once again challenges me with its ebb and flow of good and bad, presenting  the old ways of thinking and I let go. I sink down into the abyss I have know for too long. The hopelessness of failure and,though I don't want to stay there ,it is comfortable even in my longing to be free.
It is hard to start again. I am 61 and still doing this, I say to myself. Then I realize that the this will never be over. Taking care of myself will never be done.  I understand that now as I write this. Age has little to do with my goal. I  begin to reframe my self talk. I see clearly that losing muscle mass is a fact of aging. The good news is it doesn't have to be. The best news is people with torches are coming to light my way to success. Thank you my light bearers ,you have shown me a way. I can see again that there is hope. I will get up tomorrow renewed and reinvigorated in my quest to find my best self even at 5:20 there is now a flicker of light in my purpose.

Fear of Flying. 9-9-13

I am trying to plan my new life. Slipping in any walking when I can, taking the long way around and using the stairs more than not. I worry about how hard this will be. I am on my own with the training, no one is watching me or saying 5 more.  I sit and think am I doing this right, but any doing is better than non doing. I feel awkward and so unfit. I desperately want this part to be over . I want to be running my 3 miles and lifting 10 pound weights in whatever strength training I encounter as part of my program. I just hate the beginning. I am scared and nervous that it won't work. But that is old thinking, it is not the Yes I have promised myself. So I walk forward in hope, resolving to do the work, relinquishing the outcome to the universe. I set the intention, I know where I want to go and it is all so much bigger than me.

The Journey- You Have to Make the Shift 9-23-13

I know the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Seems I have been a little askew lately taking this way and that to the path of weight loss. I keep saying this is hard. Just to fall into the range of those annoying body mass index charts would require at least a 50 pound weight loss. The task seem rather daunting as I have not seen that kind of weight reduction in 10 or 15 years. 50 pounds I say to myself. I'll just have another cookie.
But somewhere along that line one has to make the shift. I read somewhere, in one of those self help diet books, that it is all about the psychological shift. In other words what I put into my head. I have played a lot of games in my head,convincing myself that those hundred calorie packs were really zero, or that the chocolate nugget didn't really count because it was soooo small. What's different now is that I have set my intention: it is no longer about what I would like to eat, it is about choosing something I want even more- to be the best me I can be and that includes losing weight.
My diet companions in the great library of books I have collected say"When  you are at the point where the pain of the present out-weighs the sacrifice change demands you are really ready"! I am there at point A.
That's my straight line, I am fed up, I am willing to work hard, I have a plan and best of all I have people who believe I can succeed. I am at point A and the line seems straighter than ever in reaching out to meet point B.

Make the Commitment. 10-6-13

What happens first is the dream. There is magic in beginning, a tail wind of sorts, where all kinds of aid starts to come to you. Our higher self is calling to us and allying itself to our deepest desires.But there is no magic to the commitment, the thing you resolve to do when  you make up your mind to do it and you do it.   It is then after the promise and the best of intentions that we see resistance, the shadow that follows the dream. So you don't have to do it, the logging of food,the exercise, the food preperation necessary for healthy eating, it's your choice the inner voice chants  Then comes the nagging sensation you feel when not doing what's good for you is worse than doing it.

How do I get out of my small mind and lose myself to the bigger picture, to living more in the present and focusing on the now and not the results.  The shadow says I am not worthy,not good enough, done this before and can't do it again. These negative thoughts roam in my head, creating the fear of failure. Then panic sets in. What if I can't do this? This shadow voice, this force of nature that confronts us and keeps us stuck in the same old stuff. What is the thing that keeps me from taking care of myself?

We feel resistance most strongly when we are about to dare greatly and grow spiritually. I know the road ahead is unending but I fight the resistance in me because when I do the universe begins to lift me up sending me its messages of hope affirming my intention to be who I was created to be, encouraging me to offer my gifts to the world. Ok so it's a choice. I consciously set the intention to be my best self. I don't have to do it alone. But I have to choose it, day by day, moment by moment.

An open letter to my right knee, left arch, and both hips:

Dear Appendages:
I know I haven't always been good to you. I did way too much and way too little all at once. I spent decades abusing you with gravity, gluttony and indifference.  But, don't give up because I am better now and I am hoping that you all get better too.  Don't make that horrible grinding noise that had Josh purposely positioning my workouts near the fan to drown you out.  Don't swell and ache at every ridiculous change in the weather and don't riddle my soft tissue with "rice crispies" that have to be filed away by a professional for me to stay ambulatory, and most of all don't drop me- even if I  deserve all of it.  If you do we'll miss too much of the amazing stuff we can do now.  There are mountains to climb, races to run, and teams to be part of.  I know I owe you all. I will pay the way with food journals that scream lean protein and vegetables, with stretches that bore me but work, with training even when I'm not training, and with SLEEP.  I await your terms...
Thank you,
Me